Closure

So, my close friends and family know that I am a big fan of closure. I don't like to keep loose ends untied. I'm not saying that everything can always be tied up into a nice neat little package, but I feel better knowing that I at least tried to close the door on a subject.

To that end, I am having lunch with a very old "friend" tomorrow. Can you still call someone who you have not spoken to in 12 1/2 years friend? I'm not sure - I guess that is what I am going to find out.

I won't go into the causes of our falling out, but let's just say that it certainly wasn't worth it.

I won't lie, my curiosity is one of my most annoyingly endearing qualities. I want to see how she looks, know how her life has been, what she's been up to lately. But, mostly, I just want closure. It was devastating when we stopped being friends, mostly because I did not see it coming. One morning, she was my loving, devoted, loyal friend, by that night, she just wasn't. No good reason, no explanation. She was doing what she wanted to do with no regard to my feelings, and that was it. That was in January of 1997.

Fast forward to September of 2004, I make a run to the drug store, and there she is, working behind the photo counter. I know that she sees me, and recognizes me, but neither of us say a thing. This goes on until June 2009.

What happened in June? Facebook! I came across her profile when it was suggested to me as someone I might know. I couldn't resist. I perused her profile, trying to glean any information about her life that I could from it. I clicked on her husband's profile to try and get more info. I looked at the pics they had posted, I wanted to see my old friend in those pics, the one that I knew so long ago.

I emailed her and let her know that I harbor no ill feelings, that I had missed her throughout the years, that I was not still mad, and that honestly, I was more hurt by the fact that she did not fight for our friendship. The reasons for the "break-up," well, I couldn't really be mad about those. How bitter would I have to be to be pissed about that after more than 12 years?

So, now, we are having lunch tomorrow, and I would be lying if I said that I wasn't the least bit apprehensive. Is it really possible to put all of that behind us? I think it is. Is it possible to truly be friends after all this time? That remains to be seen. But, I know that I will get one thing out of it - closure. I won't have to wonder what she is thinking of me when I venture into her store. I won't have to wonder about what might have been with our friendship. And, I will finally be able to put to rest, after all this time, the feeling that things were left horribly unfinished between us.